The pain of love

This is a continuation of Loving the Unlovable i.e. Love is 4 Letter Word.

If you haven’t read it, the link is below.

After many moons and many days, I am fully convicted that I have a clearer sense of what the love of God is all about. It is tough enough to replace the one’s name with the word love in 1st Corinthians 13. A common story is that before you get married, you take your fiancĂ©’s name and replace it with love. If it doesn’t feel right, then s/he ain’t the one. Maybe true, but it is definitely a wake up call if one is sober enough to look beyond the rose clouded spectacles of emotions running high at that time.

I mean, realistically, is it possible to say that one has all the aspects of love stated in that Scripture? I know for sure, at least 25% is work in progress in my case, worst case scenario is that I have only acquired 25% of the attributes.

For those whom are near and dear to me, I know for sure that life has had its ups and downs. It is tipsy turvy despite how protective and well knit everything is. The truth is there are times when one wants to walk away or cut off certain relationships but a decision is made to fix issues or iron out matters or ignore nonsense and focus on the core issue. However, in the level of man, the choice is on what to gain for self advantage and not what to gain in God’s eyes.

Should I love a friend who cannot be trusted even when things require to be handled discreetly? Yes.

Should I trust them though? Hmmmmm

Should I cut you off just because you have proven yourself as unlovable? Maybe.

Should I cut you off because of my pet peeves? Nope.

This is what I have come to understand to be the love of God. It is the decision of God. The love of God is the decision of God. Love is a decision.

The love of God = The decision of God.

In the situations and circumstances that we find ourselves can we match up our decisions to reflect the author of our purpose, the Creator of the Universe and the God of all creation?

For sure we ain’t God but we see His footprint and touch in many small and ignorable ways. How hard is it for us to reciprocate the same?

What is it then?

  • No need to act so as to measure up to the decision of God.
  • The need is for you to be as genuine as you can get while at the same time tapping from God.
  • We all have trash. Someone considers you unlovable just as you have some that you do. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t start reviewing your decision making pattern.
  • Renewal of your mind is critical if you say that you are saved, love God and are committed to His service.
  • Renewal of your mind is not being silly or subservient. It means that you are able to perceive a situation and your thought process reflect a Solomonic decision. Look at it; Solomon did not know what to do initially. So, do we. Secondly, he understood the limitations of what the witnesses were. Thirdly, be able to perceive what is not being said without taking sides. Lastly, understand that the decisions made that reflect God, will require you to stand alone most times.

So where is the pain?

  • How many times have you disappointed God and He still hears your prayers and answers you? Many times. Have you made a decision to be forbearing with those near and dear to you? That is the decision of God in your life that you need to start working on.
  • It is a common saying that in love there is pain. Loving a child, only the parents can relate to birth pains, hurt and disappointment of learning as the child grows up while achieving milestones at the same time. Similarly, as your influence grows, stamina & passion for life focuses on the things that matter, what is the driving force? Is it your ego guised as picture board or is your picture board aligned with God. I mean if you were to switch places with God, would He make the same decisions as you? At least 50%. 100% is a lie. Let’s take it lower, at least 25%. It is a painful truth that you can only make in the silence of your prayer closet.
  • In the earlier post, I alluded that the Church is in a shambolic state. I referred to the relationship aspect. It is not news that there are other times things are thick. But it is not the decision of God to mask gossip under prayer request(s), tea fellowships under cliques and basically just misusing authority for gain that does not represent the decision that God would have made. It is painful to finally understand what the love of God is in the context of His body i.e. the Church.
  • In the marketplace, we are called to be shrewd. Not greedy. Humble and not hard headed. Wise and not otherwise. The pain of making the decision that God would have made in the marketplace because, again, who brainwashed that God is subservient to the systems and policies in place? If the sons of Issachar understood the times, and then they were able to make decisions (of God), why not you?

There is a lot of work that needs to be done but then again, be warned early in advance that its going to be a painful process.


  • Obviously, you are going to cut off certain relationships that are just making you miss the mark.
  • Understanding that cutting off does not mean your attitude towards them changes. It is very easy to be meeting someone daily but you have set a guard over your heart and mind as to the extent that they should have insight into your matters. This can be tactfully handled even when this conversation is raised up. Let your attitude be the one that would reflect the decision of God.
  • There are some mistakes that you will have to own up to. Boy…..this was not an easy road for me. Still isn’t but prayer keeps me sane even when my mind decides to go back to former ways. I try to be quick to correct myself when I notice the retrogression.
  • Difficult decisions now have to be made. No longer is there an easy way out. This is what I mean; I can fight for my kids to get the best of something but I also try and add one or two more disadvantaged kids alongside my kids’ names. That is what God wants. You just never know whose lives you have touched. Once it is done, consider it closed. Move to the next person. Even if gloating is your second nature, ignore it. That is what God wants you to do.
  • In the market place as you prosper, so does your corporate social responsibility. Sadly, in today’s marketplace it is the sin tax that does the most whereas it should be the body of Christ. It is painful to do so considering that maybe profits are low etc. but to whom much is given, then more is expected. Christian businesses have a lot to do. Also, unpaid internships are opportunities to mold the next generation, just don’t abuse it.
  • Lastly, the hardest part is in your prayer closet. Can you imagine praying for the success of your enemy? I couldn’t until when I understood that maybe God needs them to succeed so that the success causes them to focus away from me. Maybe, I should pray for them to love because all they have known up to that point is manipulation, rejection and regret. Maybe, just maybe, when they grasp what they have been missing, they will have greater influence than you in heights that you can never reach.

When I understood that then my heart changed, my mind changed, my actions changed and ultimately my prayer content changed.

Yes it was painful but it was liberating and also enlightening.

May the pain of love and the decisions of God lead you to a more sobering relationship with God.

God bless.

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